Jokes

Dear Jesus

As an apology for not posting anything last Monday, I am giving you a second post today. This post is to promote a website I came across, called Christmas Day. They have loads of information about Xmas, decorations and celebrations… Read More ›

Santa Knows

Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent. Sarah’s parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound… Read More ›

Arrack and Sympathy

During the second world war two Aussie soldiers were in Damascus on leave from a camp nearby. During their perambulations around the city they sampled quite a number of noggins of the local brew, arrack, and eventually they became hopelessly… Read More ›

Unusual Commands

There was a certain Australian sar’major during World War I who gave his commands in a most unorthodox manner. “Slope arms — you, too!” “Present arms — you, too!” “Forward march — you, too!” After the parade one day, a… Read More ›

A Sporting Offer

Jacky Bindieye was once brought before a magistrate, charged with being drunk and disorderly. “Fined twenty days with hard labour,” said the magistrate curtly. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do, boss,” said Jacky. “I’ll toss you — forty days or… Read More ›

Of course

The first grade was learning the letters of the alphabet. ‘What comes after T?’ the teacher asked. Nettie quickly answered, ‘V’. — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Hell vs gaol

Jacky Bindieye was arrested and charged with cattle stealing. At the trial the judge asked him what would happen if he told a lie. “Well, boss,” said Jacky, “I think I go to hell.” “And,” continued the judge, “what happens… Read More ›

Important question

The professor was delivering the last lecture of term. ‘The examination papers are in the hands of the printer,’ he concluded. ‘Now, are there any questions you would like answered?’ Silence prevailed for a moment. Then a voice piped up,… Read More ›

Subtraction

Tommy did not seem to understand subtraction, so the teacher tried to make it plain with the following example: ‘Now, suppose Billy had fifty pence,’ said the teacher. ‘Yes’m,’ said Tommy. ‘And you asked him for twenty-five.’ ‘Yes’m.’ ‘How much… Read More ›

PMT

What’s the difference between a woman with PMT and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. — Allan & Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry

Not that kind

Man to friend: ‘What do you have if you have fifty rabbits all in a row and they all back up one step?’ Friend: ‘I don’t know. Tell me.’ Man: ‘A receding hare-line!’ — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V… Read More ›

Coffee

When a company says, ‘Our coffee is good to the last drop,’ you wonder what is wrong with the last drop. — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2 Related articles… Read More ›

Tart vs bitch

What’s the difference between a tart and a bitch? A tart will sleep with anyone. A bitch will sleep with anyone except you. — Allan & Barbara Pease in Why Men Lie and Women Cry Related articles Bitches Be Like……. Read More ›

Yes men

Why can’t some of these ‘yes’ men be bank officers? — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Don’t worry

An employee became ill and was rushed to the hospital. The next day his boss was among the first to visit him. ‘Now John,’ he pleaded, ‘don’t worry about a thing. Everyone at the office is going to pitch in… Read More ›

Cheque

A would-be customer wrote to a mail-order company as follows: ‘Please send me one of the engines you show on page 87. If it’s any good, I’ll send you a cheque.’ In time, he received this reply: ‘Please send cheque…. Read More ›

Stolen

The absentminded professor drove up to the door of his garage, looked inside, blinked, and then leaped back into his car and drove at breakneck speed to the police station. “sergeant,” he gasped, “my car’s been stolen!’ — Herbert V… Read More ›