herbert v prochnow

Of course

The first grade was learning the letters of the alphabet. ‘What comes after T?’ the teacher asked. Nettie quickly answered, ‘V’. — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Important question

The professor was delivering the last lecture of term. ‘The examination papers are in the hands of the printer,’ he concluded. ‘Now, are there any questions you would like answered?’ Silence prevailed for a moment. Then a voice piped up,… Read More ›

So They Said

Said one eye to the other: ‘Just between us, there’s something that smells.’ Said one ear to the other: ‘Fancy meeting you on this block!’ Said the big rose to the little rose: ‘Hiya, bud.’ Said the ceiling to the… Read More ›

Alphabet

‘Willie,’ the teacher asked the new pupil, ‘do you know your alphabet?’ ‘Yes, miss,’ answered Willie.’ ‘Well, then,’ continued the teacher, ‘what letter comes after A?’ ‘All the rest of them.’ — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr…. Read More ›

Subtraction

Tommy did not seem to understand subtraction, so the teacher tried to make it plain with the following example: ‘Now, suppose Billy had fifty pence,’ said the teacher. ‘Yes’m,’ said Tommy. ‘And you asked him for twenty-five.’ ‘Yes’m.’ ‘How much… Read More ›

Howlers

Comic blunders by schoolchildren have been collected by H. Cecil Hunt and published under the title Henpicked Howlers. Some examples are given here: An epistle is the wife of an apostle. Chivalry is the attitude of a man to a… Read More ›

Not that kind

Man to friend: ‘What do you have if you have fifty rabbits all in a row and they all back up one step?’ Friend: ‘I don’t know. Tell me.’ Man: ‘A receding hare-line!’ — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V… Read More ›

Coffee

When a company says, ‘Our coffee is good to the last drop,’ you wonder what is wrong with the last drop. — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2 Related articles… Read More ›

Yes men

Why can’t some of these ‘yes’ men be bank officers? — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Art

Trying to understand modern art is like trying to follow the plot in a bowl of alphabet soup. — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2 Related articles Modern Art (beautifulifebysigal.wordpress.com)… Read More ›

Don’t worry

An employee became ill and was rushed to the hospital. The next day his boss was among the first to visit him. ‘Now John,’ he pleaded, ‘don’t worry about a thing. Everyone at the office is going to pitch in… Read More ›

Cheque

A would-be customer wrote to a mail-order company as follows: ‘Please send me one of the engines you show on page 87. If it’s any good, I’ll send you a cheque.’ In time, he received this reply: ‘Please send cheque…. Read More ›

Cheapskate

A man had to send an urgent telegram. Not wishing to spend more money than necessary, he filled out a telegraph blank in this manner: ‘Bruises hurt erased afford erected analysis hurt too infectious dead.’ (Ten words) The recipient at… Read More ›

Deductions

Man who mistakenly received a pay envelope without a cheque, to personnel department: “What happened? Did my deductions finally equal my salary?” — Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in  Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2 Related… Read More ›

Stolen

The absentminded professor drove up to the door of his garage, looked inside, blinked, and then leaped back into his car and drove at breakneck speed to the police station. “sergeant,” he gasped, “my car’s been stolen!’ — Herbert V… Read More ›

Two jobs

The chief constable of a small Yorkshire town was also an expert veterinary surgeon. One night the telephone rang. The chief constable’s wife answered it. “Is Mr Blank there?” inquired an agitated voice. “Do you want my husband in his… Read More ›

Middle Age

Middle Age: When you are sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you. —Ring Lardner quoted in ‘Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2’ by Herbert V. Prochnow & Herbert V… Read More ›

Tourist

Tourist: Have you lived here all your life? Old Londoner: Not Yet —Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in ‘Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2’